My to-do lists keep on growing. I’m failing at getting everything done, but I get some of the important things done, like take medicine, cook, get things ready for when my work assignment starts. But the smaller ones, things like finding a doctor (who doesn’t charge an arm and a leg while I wait for insurance to start), find things to help take the physical pain I feel in every joint of my body away, and just living, get tossed to the wayside.
By the time I get done doing the important things, I don’t have the energy to do the little things. I know some of those little things don’t seem small. Most people would be panicking not to have a doctor or have all the medications they need to keep living. But I’ve always taken life one day, one problem at a time.
I don’t have a magical answer, no shiny fantastic way to say everything will turn out perfect and just the way you wanted… I can’t say that because I know it’s not realistic. I also know living in a downward spiral constantly isn’t realistic either. Eventually, you hit rock bottom. I’ve hit what I thought was my rock bottom many times… Today though? I honestly feel the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. 90ish days from now, when meds are adjusted appropriately I’ll be fine and on the upswing. Until then? I’m just the selfish bitch who just wishes people would cut me a little slack while my emotions and feelings play hacky-sack with my brain, while the nerve-endings in most of my body feel like they’re on fire.
Tomorrow’s a new day, maybe the pain won’t be so bad and the mental fatigue won’t be so bad either. Even if it is, I have a to-do list to accomplish things off of, regardless of how I feel.