We’re rapidly approaching the end of 2018, and preparing for the beginning of 2019. I’m ready for the new year to start. It’s a symbol of renewal and hope for me. 2018 hasn’t shaped up quite like I had envisioned. I haven’t found another job yet, I haven’t been able to get any kind of medical or mental health care, but all of that is okay. Next week is a completely new start. I’m still in Illinois, but working on plans to move further east. It may not be in 2019, or even 2020, but it’s something to work towards and plan for.
Despite how grim and hopeless I have felt about things the last couple of months, things are getting better. I’m more secure in where I’m living. I’m not afraid that I’m going to be kicked out at moments notice again. I have a very part-time job for most of January, I have another interview next week, and have many other applications out for work that I feel capable of doing. I’m making strides on working on myself. I’m trying not to be as negative about myself, I’m doing my best to accept that people who want to be around me want to do so because they see something I don’t. I am doing little things to help myself with my depression and my anxiety, I’m getting outside and moving around, I’m doing things that I truly enjoy doing. For instance, I baked bread and enjoyed it for the first time in 6 months, and I’m looking forward to doing it again in a couple of days. I am truly enjoying rediscovering some of the things I enjoyed in the past.
Once the new year starts, and I get back from taking care of some things with my mom, I’m intending to go to the gym and work out as well as work. I’m also hoping to get things started for my crafts again so that I can try to earn some money that way as well, and I want to post more about that and what I’m working on once I restart that endeavor. Hopefully, my insurance will come through one way or the other and I can get things going there too.
Ultimately, 2018, while it hasn’t been that great it was okay. I’ve survived another year, my divorce was finalized and I’ve lived in 3 different states. My health and mental health have taken a turn for the worse, but I’m still around and working on things the best I can, and that’s enough for me for now.
Even if 2019 doesn’t live up to my lofty expectations, I will survive and keep moving forward.
Happy New Year.