I haven’t had a lot of sleep the last couple of days. Not that it’s anything unusual. I do my best to try and get at least 5-6 hours but it’s often broken and leaves me tired and fatigued more than what my other health issues already do.
Which brings me to my second issue. I’ve talked to my mom last night and today some. She’s trying to guilt me into going earlier there, regardless of what I want or need to do around here. On top of that, I’m supposed to care and actively ask about her problems and issues. I just get told to suck up my anxiety and problems and deal with whatever the issue is. Which is something I try to do. But my anxiety is getting more invasive and overwhelming. My depression is the same. I can do things to hold it at bay, but after a while, things start getting worse.
Yes, there’s a medication I’m supposed to be on for it. I hate how it makes me feel, or better yet the lack of things I feel. I feel nothing when I take it consistently. I feel no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no frustration, no good no bad. I just exist, and at its core, that seems like a fantastic thing. However, that’s what has led me to cut in the past. I have made great strides in not cutting, and haven’t in over a year. But there are times I have that urge still.
Anyways, today was not as productive as I would have liked. But at least I’ve ate, napped a little and done a little organizing. Considering the way I’m feeling all the way around today, I still count it as a mostly successful day. Tomorrow I’m hoping to paint some walls and hopefully will get some better sleep tonight.