So tonight and into tomorrow, there’s supposed to be snow here. I love the snow. I love the silence it brings in the middle of the night, when all you hear are the wet heavy flakes thudding into what has already fallen. I also love the cleanliness. Everything is covered in an untouched layer of snow. The world looks less harsh and less dead. There’s peace.
Peace is something I know my mind could use more of. Peace in what I’m doing. Having the peace of mind that I’m making the right decisions, and doing the right things. That friends wouldn’t automatically assume that I can’t handle myself when I’m pressed to be alone.
While being alone isn’t something I want all of the time. I can handle it in the times I need to be. Am I scared, yes a little. But I have projects I can work on to fill that time. There’s some games I can play as well. I can also take that time and focus on myself. Because ultimately, I have to be able to take care of myself even if I want to be around others. No one else can do that for me.
Since work hasn’t panned out like I’d hoped, I’m going to try for some other options for working and see about getting that help for myself sooner, rather than later. I owe it to myself to try and become more functional.
Being kind to myself didn’t hurt me. It’s let me see that I do deserve happiness, and normal things. I just have to work a little harder for them. And that’s ok.