Disappointment

So it’s not often that I feel like I’m a disappointment to myself or to others. Today though? I’ve felt that way. And I know realistically that I’m not disappointing anyone (except maybe my Mom), but I still can’t shake the feeling.

I purposely laid in bed until almost noon today. I didn’t sleep well and just didn’t want to get up or be responsible. From there I was a disappointment by getting fast food for lunch followed by sitting on my bum and not doing a darn thing that was productive.

I finally did grill dinner, and a few other things for a couple of days while my friend/roommate and I continue our futile attempts at meal planning. This is something that’s an ongoing struggle since we moved in together over a year ago. But I’m going to keep trying because something has to stick before I start working. Now, where was I? Oh yeah being a disappointment.

I managed to burn the bacon I was trying to grill. I then threw caution to the wind a few hours later and bought more junk. Because nothing says that I’m trying to lose weight and eating low carb like sugary sodas and candy.  On top of that, I’m trying to keep moving forward but I just can’t. I hurt. I’m sad and I’m just a failure. Or that’s what it feels like right now.

These feelings will pass, soon I hope. Until then I just have to keep trying to remember to be as kind to myself as I am to others.

~T

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