I’ve spent the last 24 or so hours in a funk. Part of me knows it’s because I’m sad that things didn’t work out the way I would have liked. Another part of me is angry and upset at the fact this person said they wanted me to be me then made me feel bad for it. I wish I had wise words today- or really any words. But I have none. I’ve been grumpy, snapping at my amazing friend who’s dealing with their own issues. I haven’t been there for them today and that hurts too. Because it’s not who I am to not be there for other people. I also know that my friend is upset because I still had some people messaging from something I’ve posted elsewhere, and I wish like hell they could find some others to talk to as well.
But I can honestly say he’s my person. He understands and tries to lift me up even when I don’t want it. He doesn’t push if I get quiet. He accepts me for me. As flawed as I am, and will continue to be. But he knows I needed to take today to get perspective. So today was my one day. My one day of feeling off. My one day of allowing to feel the self-pity and just general heartbrokenness. Tomorrow is new. A new start, a new chance, a new attempt.
I can’t let my own self-doubt get the better of me.